Two Days In ... What to Do?

February 17, 2016

I’ve stumbled through two days without screens now. It has been hard. I’ve made excuses to cheat a little, but the question comes into my mind each time: Is He worth it? And yes, He is. I know it even if I don’t feel it. I’ve given it up, but my hearts not into it yet. I’m praying I will get there.

To support my success, I’ve taken some steps. I’ve told my family what I’m doing. There’s nothing like knowing your kids are watching your every move to make you want to not mess it all up. I also messaged a group of friends asking for their prayer support and accountability. I was asked tonight what I thought of The Walking Dead …. I laughed and said, “I won’t know for a while.” But maybe I won’t ever know what I’m missing, because that’s one of the things I’m really wanting: to discover so many better and enjoyable ways to use my time that I don’t really want to pick the habit back up. After all, I’m not really abandoning idolatry if I just take a vacation that I return from, right?

For the last two days, I’ve been trying to figure out what to do to just kill time until sleep takes over. I haven’t really done anything productive yet … or refreshing … or relational. I folded some laundry piling up on my bed … and I searched through a pile of mail for my missing check card …. I’m not sure those things count for much though. I think I need a list of all the things I’d  like to do with spare time … seeing how I’m always saying I don’t have any … but I seem to have some on my hands now. And maybe a list of what I hope to see change in the next month and a half. I do feel  a little guilty that my purpose in all of this is to spend more time with Jesus – looking at Him, talking and listening to Him, just enjoying Him – and I haven’t done much of that either. But He IS worth this time … and I’m trusting in His grace in spite of my unfaithfulness and in His ability to woo the most faithless person. I guess sometime “pressing on toward the goal” first involves pushing to the point of wanting the goal.

Lord, please change my heart. You are big enough and powerful enough to do it! I want to love you more … really love you … audaciously love you! So create in me a clean heart that is desperate for you! Astonish my eyes, and the eyes of onlookers at how much you change me from the inside out!